


Nautical Nonsense

by grayspider1974



Series: A Viking Bestiary [3]
Category: Vikings - Fandom
Genre: F/M, this borders on genkai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 05:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayspider1974/pseuds/grayspider1974
Summary: In which Bjorn and Bellona decide to reward Ivar, but some frisky dolphins and the crew of a passing trawler come close to spoiling the mood





	Nautical Nonsense

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally failed to add Attercop and Touch Not The Cat to A Viking Bestiary, but check them out anyway  
> Bellona's eyes and webbed fingers suggest that she might be part Selkie, a creature from Scottish folklore.  
> There have been many well-documented cases of dolphins trying to have sex with humans...if you watch some of the documentaries I've seen, you may never want to visit Marineland again!  
> The Emperor Hadrian was the Donald Trump of ancient Rome, and the proclivities that earned him the nickname "The Greek Lover" are well known to history.

Bjorn Ironside, also known as The Behemoth and One Big Son of a Bitch carried a large basket down the steps below the villa that he purchased for his wives and his legitimate children. His forty-odd illegitimate children and their mothers all lived on Tir Manannan with his mother, but you could probably house the lot of them in his villa, which stood overlooking the Adriatic Sea and had among other things its own vineyard and olive grove and plumbing that still worked in spite of the fact that it dated to the time of the emperor Constantine....but his favorite thing about his new home was that it had a small cove where Bellona liked to swim about with her friends. Bjorn set the basket down, and kicked it gently. "Come out, Boneless. Bellona wants to talk to you!"  
There was no response from the basket until Bjorn peered inside it and Ivar's head erupted from it, nearly skullfucking his own brother.  
"That wasn't very nice, Ivar...." said Bjorn.  
"Neither was shoving me in a basket!" said Ivar. His hair stuck out in all directions, his blue eyes were wild, and he still held a rather soggy chicken shawarma that he had just purchased when his eldest brother had grabbed him, shoved him in a laundry basket, and carried him through the streets of Constantinople, which were so busy that nobody noticed an extremely large blond man carrying a screaming basket. "What the fuck do you want?" Ivar asked, and took a bite of his shawarma.  
"I told you, said Bjorn. "Bellona wants to thank you for saving me from the proverbial fate worse than death at the hands of my mother's shield wives. I feel guilty because Bellona's only ever slept with me. My first suggestion was that she and Thorunn turn to one another for comfort like my mother did with Torvig and Astrid, but both my wives were extremely hostile to that suggestion, because while they both like being eaten out neither of them wants to eat minge."  
Ivar swallowed, and a chunk of pickled beet went down the wrong way, but he managed to spit it out. "Hanh?"  
"Then I asked Harald Finehair and his brother Halfdan," Bjorn continued "but Harald burst into tears, and Halfdan declared his deep and abiding love for other men. I ruled Hvitserk out after Bellona beat the tar out of him, and Ubba's still back in Norway trying to run the country. He's still trying to sort out who's to be the next Earl of Hedeby."  
"Well, it doesn't help that your Mum's claim was based on fucking and then murdering several men, but she's your mother so I don't expect you to lay any blame on her," said Ivar. "But what does that have to do with me?"  
Bjorn's whole face lit up in a grin, and he ruffled Ivar's hair. "It has to do with you because if there's anyone Bellona would share her affections with aside from me, it would be you."  
Another chunk of pickled beet went down Ivar's throat the wrong way, and Bjorn had to pound on his brother's back to loosen it. Ivar saw creatures swimming about in the cove. "You're going to send me to sleep with the fishes for coveting your wife's ass?" he blurted out. Then a head with long, wet hair that looked black in the moonlight but was actually an extraordinary shade of red appeared from the waters, and a freckled arm and hand reached out and waved. Ivar saw that the girl's fingers were slightly webbed.  
"Ave!" said Bellona, grinning from ear to ear. Ivar got a glimpse of large breasts and then quite a lot more as Bellona surfaced and started doing the back stroke. Down in his nether regions Ivar felt a stirring that normally only appeared at blood eaglings and cock fights. Ivar fidgeted with the rather complicated lacings and buckles on his clothing, but his hands were shaking too much to deal with them, so his brother helped him out of his clothes, and as he was carefully carried out into the water something nuzzled Ivar.  
"What in Frig's name is THAT?" he asked  
"That's Messalina," said Bellona. "She likes men."  
A grey, laughing dolphin's head emerged from the water, and then another and another. "There's Agrippina, and Julia and Portia and Claudius and Augustus...oh, watch out for Hadrian, because he likes men too...." said Bellona "He's a little too friendly!"  
"She had to rescue a young sailor from being bummed by Hadrian," said Bjorn. "There's a reason why that dolphin is named after the Emperor the Romans called The Greek Lover." He stroked Messalina's head. "They're not fish, they're mammals, just like us. Look, she's blushing....that means she likes you!"  
Ivar blushed too, remembering that he had started a rumour that his brother that his brother had sexually abused some sort of sea creature, but then Bellona drew him in for a kiss that tasted pleasantly like brine and a little like she had been eating dulse. He was getting hard now, even though his brother and the dolphins were all watching him. The water supported Ivar's weight so Bellona could cradle him in one arm with his head on her breast. He snuffled around and found a nipple and sucked milk from his brother's wife's breast. She seemed to like it because she guided Ivar's hand to the fur between her legs and started tugging on his member. Something brushed against Ivar's back, and at first he thought Bjorn was stroking his back but it was one of the dolphins.  
"They like to watch us make love and sometimes they try to participate," said Bjorn. "They say that dolphins are the perverts of the deep." His eyes widened, and he shoved Hadrian away. "See....I warned you about Hadrian. He's a little too friendly. Just bat him away if he gets too close. He hugged Bellona, and she snaked round and kissed him. The pupils of her eyes were as big and dark as those of a seal, and she began to shudder, pulling Ivar close.  
"I'm sorry I'm not as big as Bjorn...." Ivar said, but Bellona did not seem to mind because Bjorn had reached around and thrust two fingers up inside his wife's minge to make up for what Ivar lacked in girth, and Bjorn's cock was firmly in her web-fingered grasp.  
"I don't know if I can..." Ivar said, then realized that in a second or two he WOULD, so he pulled out. "Thank you," he said, and kissed Bellona. Her mouth still tasted like brine, and she clearly wasn't finished but Bjorn made up for his brother's shortcomings, hoisting Bellona onto the strange purple member that sometimes prompted strangers to stare at Bjorn in the sauna in a way which was really impolite. Ivar looked up and saw a white sail out beyond the mouth of the cove. It looked like a small fishing boat had anchored outside the bay, and when it was plain that Ivar had seen them the crew began to whoop and applaud in a truly offensive manner. "Fuck..." Ivar said, "They've been watching us the whole time, haven't they?"  
Bjorn finished with a sudden jerk and a grunt. "They say that dolphins are the perverts of the deep, but the most depraved and degenerate beast in all Creation is a sailor!"


End file.
